I read in "Re:VectorScript objects and IFC" that Petri called VW -
VectorToyWorks. I nearly had a coronary. Horrified!

Fancy calling VW- "VectorToyWorks" when he is self-proclaimed ArchDemiGod of all VW knowledge, Lord of Plug-In, the Extremely Reverend Cardinal of Vectorscript and Deity of the Troubleshoot. Shame, Shame, Shame, Petri. What a tragic waste.

This is high treason, blasphemy and a wicked heresy, and all worshipers of VectorWorks should unite against this apostasy. How could a man who has contributed so much now turn "and bite the hand..."?

NNA is the mothership, and now this vicious attempt at matricide on the grand dame!! Say it isn't true Petri, how could you turn on your mom?

Looking on the bright side, I prophecy that in the coming months sectarianism will flourish and we will see the birth of 'PetriCad 1.0 (The Final Release)', a perfect
cad program that will never need updating or improvement.

The only down side is the provided discussion forum will actually only have one contributor, although all posts will be positive, and the moderator will be completely happy with all his own comments.

Anyway, time to hitch the horses, untie the hounds, feed the swine, lance the sheep's boils, polish the cattle and away, gentlemen.(exit stage left with dramatic swinging of cape over shoulder).
(or.at.least.go.and.visit.Petri's.sister.somewhere.in.the.snow. who.knows.oh.how.I.miss.these.comments.of.petri's)

P.S. Petri, am I still on your ignore list? =(

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock..
tick, tack, tick, tack...... [italian time]

You read someone's quote. The actual post where he said that was the opening of a thread called Stalinist NNA, and the full post is much funnier than the excerpt you read.

But that was the old Petri. The new Petri shows a very pleasant and courteous side, as in this post, where he says "I sincerely apologize for the previous insulting post."

The insults are milder, too. He says "muddled, totally stupid & useless," rather than "KGB-agents," "Tshekists," and "Gestapo."

And it sounds like he's giving up the Mr. Spock fantasy:
I think this new, kinder, gentler Petri should be encouraged. We shouldn't make fun of him.

To Jan15,
Don't be tricked by the new and improved Petri...this is part of his merchandising plan and subsequent world domination of the CAD industry. He is softening us and then POW! we are his...
He is a fox.
Regards dontevenjoke.

Cross-post from VectorScript Forum:

Petri,

I have self-appointed myself to document your significant contributions to this board. Please keep it up.

VG

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Petri Top 10 (with apologies to those he has offended):
----------------------------------------------------------------------

"It is interesting to note that the "VP Integrated Products" cannot understand or acknowledge any other uses for VW than (McMansion) "architecture"."

"Well, in that case you are a complete idiot, because you don't understand what I wrote above."

"VW will never become useful outside the U.S. of A: the Powers That Be are ignorant and myopic."

"Look - I don't really care whether you call it RFP, RCP or YMCA. Just make yourself understandable. "

"Your wish is my command. Ignore this user... Poof! You're gone!"

"You refer to feet and inches, so you must live in the U. S. of A, the proud herald of obsolete dimensions. Fine, good, excellent! That explains at least the language. "

"Dear me! Is this some sort of a religious board? I had no idea... Logging out for good. "

"Of course it is a blessing, too: as far as we don't actually know what the other party is talking about, we can be just as bitchy and condescending [as] we like."

"The overwhelming majority in either respect could not care less for your political statement. Thank you for your attention and please carry on inspecting your navel-lint."

"Back to the drawing board, people!"

Great list, VG, including some that I'd never seen before. Here are a few more:







They're not really very Spock-like, are they? In fact, they sound exactly like the character Ignatius J Reilly, in the novel A Confederacy of Dunces.

But Ignatius had a lot of delusions about himself. Maybe he thought that he was like Mr. Spock.

Man, I haven't read the one about the Netherlands being a 'technological backwater'... that's pretty rich considering Petri's COO. I thought it was the Netherlanders who took some wheelbarrows to Germany and made their own country with the dirt they brought back.

Since then haven't they sort of lead technology in not a few areas?

Didn't they make those big fans that are all over their country?

Didn't they make orange carrots?

So, if Amsterdam is in her own technological middle ages, I can suddenly understand why Petri thinks the USA, Russia, Australia, South Africa and the rest of the world is so backward.

I guess no one can hold a candle to Finland because of the soon to be released 'PetriCad 1.0'. 'Fair enough, people, back to work.'

The "backwater" part of that remark was a stroke of genius -- slipping in a reference to the international reputation of Dutch seawater control engineering, into what would otherwise be just a crude ethnic slur.

Another contributor once remarked on Old-Petri's unique ability "to insult individuals, companies, and whole countries in a single post."

That Dutch homage was part of the VS/IFC thread you referred to, which was Petri-Spock in his prime. Since he's gone now, replaced by Nice-Petri, it might be a good idea to include a few other excerpts from it in this tribute:

Say what you will, I find that Petri is both entertaining and informative. That he manages to insult almost everyone in the process - well, it's the other side of the coin.

I would welcome, though, a return to substance on his part. When he's correct in his analysis, the humor is devastatingly funny. On the other hand, hurling an insult in the process of missing the mark factually or intellectually falls a bit flat on a tech support board.

Pete,
I've always thought the insults were the entertaining part. Can you cite some examples of his humor that don't involve schoolyard-style personal attacks? Those would fit in well with the theme of this thread. If they're devastatingly funny, they really shouldn't be left out.

And maybe we should have some examples of him being informative, to show his "superior logical, pointy-eared, conceptual-thinking Vulcan" side.

Jan15,
I'm not so sure the'backwater' thing was a pun. I think it was just an insult considering the pattern that is forming by looking thru his other insults. The only way we will know is if Petri replies...

Personally, I drew the line when he played the "navel lint" card. There are some places you just shouldn't go.

VG.

Well, yes, 'backwater' may not have been a conscious choice, but it's a nice touch anyway. And calling the Netherlands "some technological backwater" can't be anything but a joke, regardless of what Petri thinks it is. There are places you could say that about and it would be an insult, but in this case it's like saying, "Your dog is a monkey."

That 'navel-lint' line is pure Ignatius J Reilly. Anyone who appreciates Petri's style of humor should take a look at the novel I mentioned earlier, A Confederacy of Dunces. Here are some excerpts from it, showing that same combination of archaic formal language with absurd self-indulgence and the social skills of a wet baby:

a new literary discipline is borne: Petriana: representative Petri online, a collaborative effort that aims to provide criticism of Petri's interventions, focused in the contest of modern literature.

Oh, Petri....
LOL!

vsd

maybe we could set up a
petri-abuse survivors club,
or petri-ignorees society.

i'm rather proud to have been
ignored + found unfunny at least
twice, as well as having been
kindly helped, but that might
have been an accident.

you'd think that once you're
"ignored", he would at least
pretend he was ignoring you
+ stop commenting further, but
apparently not...

Good on ya, mate! Quoting even the very worst of my posts surely raises your rating from the previous "non-sentient life form" to "able to read, but non-intelligent". Classification still remains as "parasite: unable to sustain itself without a host".

If you'd rock, I'd additionally classify you as Matopin Rock Fungus, but you don't, so I won't.

....and the aether echoes with stout laughter...

Petri, go back to watching TV and let us tease you in your absence.


Finnish TV – Thursday Night
-----------------------------
The Kai Bitternen Show
FTV 8:00 – 9:00
Join Kai and his guests Nussi Juttinen and Ren Flittonen as they discuss the finer points of frying fish and finding a wife under 150 KG. Later in the show, Kai thrills the audience with his segment on thermometer servicing.

Lapp Dogg
FTV 9:00 – 9:30
A warm-hearted look at Finland’s many breeds of canine friends. Tonight’s episode focuses on the Finnish Hound, whose legendary intelligence measures just below a Schnauzer and just above an Architect.

The Orifice
FTV 9:30 – 10:00
This take-off on the hit British and American sit-coms (The Office) takes place in a struggling architectural practice. In tonight’s episode, Jussi’s long-lost brother returns and creates a stir when he tries to flirt with Helga, the office secretary and woman of questionable character.

Finland’s Great Contributions to World History (Documentary)
FTV 10:00 – 11:00
[cancelled at air time due to lack of content]

hold on, let's not forget about Saarinen

saarinen might have been born in finland,
but he was moved to the USA in his early
teens, where he studied, practised + died,
so not really very finnish then...

yes, I have been a beneficiary of his work here in detroit

I guess like the guy who drank marine varnish... he died... but he had a great Finish.

Finland is a beautiful country which has made many fine contributions to world culture, more than its share based on size and population, I believe. Countering someone's argument by impugning the country he lives in is both childish and ineffectual. Not only that, it's widely known as Petri's trademark -- so much so that to do it here would smack of plagiarism. Anyone who wants to engage in low-brow brawling on this forum should respect the claim that Petri has clearly staked out, and should find some other way of being petty and obnoxious.

Study up, people! There's going to be a test tomorrow. Multiple choice, based on the material we've covered so far. Make sure you know your basic comedic character types. This WILL count toward your final grade.

I resemble that remark.

Petri,
Congratulations on your adoption of Aussie speak... Good On Ya Mate!

MID-TERM EXAM
HUMOR 105 - "BUFFOONERY: AGGRESSION IN SERVICE OF THE BLOATED EGO"

For each of the following quotes, identify the source.
Write I for Ignatius, or P for Petri.
All of the quotes are from one of those two sources. Some of the answers can be found in your course materials. For others, you will have to check the original sources, or else rely on your understanding of the differences between the two characters.

I have stayed out of this forum, for good reasons. But I have to say, you guys are a riot. Cheers.

Robert, these are your users. Abusers.
Not so easy.

Very amusing, VectorGeek, that note from your mother. It looks suspiciously like your handwriting. I'll just give her a call. Or would you rather take the test?

Miss, Miss,
I finished the exam.
My answers are: Petri for all except 4,8,10,13,14,19,21.

Cross-post from VectorScript Forum
This is the helpful reply I made to Petri's stinging exposé of VectorGeek. I think he intended to put it here, but got mixed up because VG had cross-posted the list he was responding to. In any case, it belongs here.

Petri, you're missing the whole point of these lists. You can't just list the name and date of each post. What good is that? You have to provide actual text from the post. And you have to select only the funny parts. Okay? Now come on, try again.

You should also keep in mind that "VectorGeek" is obviously an alter ego of someone who normally posts under a different name, and that the name itself, the photo, and even the style of his posts are all a parody of you. Everyone else understands that, so you should adjust your repartie accordingly.

Look, maybe this is too subtle for you. Why not stick to ethnic slurs? You're good with ethnic slurs. VG says he's from "Earth." Can't you think of any insulting things to say about Earth? You're a Vulcan, after all. Can't you say something about our emotional nature, our illogical thought processes?

Jan15, thanks for a rousing tour de force that manages to be funny without insulting anyone but Petri - who richly deserves the treatment, which in your hands manages to be quite a bit less sharp and more sympathetic than in his. He must hate you for that.

I, myself, have less talent for comedy than others posting to this thread. Sorry, but I'll have to live with having more appreciation than creativity.

Pete,
Thanks for your kind words, but this thread is really just a tribute to Petri's comedy genius, an aspect of his genius that he's been more modest about than some others. I've contributed very little other than quotes from the master. If I've managed to be funny in my own words also, it's only because of his inspiration. If I've been dull and sympathetic, I hope noone hates me for it.

--------------------------------
Alright, class, let's review your answers to yesterday's test.

Who can tell me the correct answer to question number 1?
Simon has already told us that he thinks it's Petri. Does everyone agree?

What about you, PetriFried?
Where IS PetriFried today? Such a great name, and then he only used it for one post.

Anyone? Your answer to question 1? Is anyone there?

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”

-Woody Allen

C'mon Jan15,
Surely youre not going to post mortem the exam one question per post... Let's get the results out there.If I did poorly, I'm fully prepared to go back and do my Doctorate of Petri, with the thesis, 'Petri and His Diachromatic Postings on CAD improvement from the Helsinki Perspective and the insultation of the International VW community with the exception of Finland'.
Regards

Now, Simon, it's not just a matter of how well or how poorly you did on the test. The main thing is comprehension. We need to have a class discussion about each question to make sure everyone understands, so they'll do better in the final exam, and so they'll retain what they've learned later on out in the workplace. I know you're all concerned about your grades, but remember that the best way to improve your grade is to improve your comprehension.

Anyway, what's your hurry? You're not going anywhere, are you? Learning can be fun if you just relax and take it one step at a time. We've got all the time in the world.

So tell us why you thought the first quote was by Petri.

Miss,
I feel that Question 1 was said by Petri because Petri's speciality is picking on the unchangeable. The fact that the individual is 'congenitally' challenged fits in with Petri's style.
BTW, I didn't know we had to write an essay about each answer...

Simon, that's a very good analysis. Everything you said about it fitting in with Petri's style and specialty was correct. But this quote isn't from Petri. It's from Ignatius. Now don't feel badly that you got it wrong, or anyone else who got it wrong. Most of you got this one wrong. In fact, I got this one wrong myself! It was a very hard question, and so I'm not going to take any points off if you missed it.

Answer: Ignatius - to his mother, talking about the incident with Patrolman Mancuso.

The full quote is:

If you remove Ignatius' name and the context clue, 'law officer,' and substitute an ethnic word, like 'Australian,' it sounds just like Petri:

After I thought about it a little more, I realized that I don't remember Petri using the word "congenitally." Maybe it's only used in American prep schools. But Petri often uses other modifiers in his insults to show that someone's intellectual inferiority is extreme and beyond any hope of change, like "complete idiot," and "your profound ignorance," and "non-sentient life form."

I don't think he's used the word "mongoloid," either, but wouldn't it be just perfect for Petri? It means mentally retarded, and at the same time it's also an ethnic slur! Maybe we're giving him some new ideas.

Note the use of "I see" at the beginning, to show that Ignatius understands all and looks at the hopelessness of others with pity or detachment. You'll find that a lot in Petri's insults, too. At other times Petri and Ignatius use "How sad" or "Dear me" instead.

--------------------------------------
Okay, now who can tell us the answer to question number 2? Give us the answer, and tell us why you think that's the right answer. And if anyone has a different idea, you can just say it. You don't have to wait to be called on. This is an open discussion.

I'll give you a hint: question 2 was an easier question.

I agree with Dontevenjoke, Petri must be working on his CAD release because he is not buying in, when, from my short experience, he usually does. I think the spirit of this thread is playful fun, but Petri is strangely silent.Could he be taking this personally? I don't think so. Prepare for the mother of all replies when the the giant awakes.

Giant? Yes, I guess that's the only way to describe someone who can come up with such brilliant retorts as "How sad" or "Matopin Rock Fungus."

It would be great if Petri were to make more contributions to this thread. We need fresh material for the Final Exam.

I'm sure Petri understands that it's all in fun, since he kids people all the time in the same way.

Well, I can see that everyone's feeling shy today. So I'll just give you some of the answers to the test. If anyone can add anything, or if you have any questions, feel free to interrupt at any time.

Answer: Petri - #83153 - 07/27/07 05:45 AM

This one was easier because it was in the second list of Petri quotes. If you studied you probably got this one right.

Of course, if you didn't have that list it would have been impossible to tell. This quote would fit perfectly into one of Ignatius' letters. Ignatius, too, often tells people they're stupid or ignorant when what he really means is that he disagrees with something they said. And he often says it in this same way, telling the other person how bored and sad he feels because the level of their intelligence is so low that he can't even laugh at their disability.

Compare this with Petri's quote # 18:

Answer: Petri - #79140 - 05/09/07 11:06 AM

Ignatius has that same habit of saying "you're the stupidest person who ever lived" when he really means "I don't think I stated my point clearly."

This quote was in the first list of Petri quotes. Maybe some of you don't remember that far back. That's why you should always review all your notes and hand-outs the night before a test.

Also, you can tell that it's an internet forum post, because of the phrase "what I wrote above." That's a good example of a 'context clue'. If I had left off the word "above," it would have been impossible to tell which character wrote this.

Answer: Ignatius - talking to himself while watching television

Petri talks to himself, too, but this quote doesn't sound like him. Ignatius often accuses people of being perverse, but Petri doesn't, at least not so far. Maybe after this test he'll start to think of someone on the forum as being perverse.

Answer: Petri - #74137 - 02/09/07 12:00 PM

This quote wasn't in any of the hand-outs, but there's a small clue in the expression "has no bounds." Ignatius, an American, would have said "knows no bounds," or "has no limit."

"Dear me" is just as typical of Ignatius as it is of Petri, and Ignatius would be just as likely as Petri to suggest that a person's entire nation is defective, as a way of indicating that he disagrees with something that person said.

Answer: Ignatius - in his letter to Abelman's Dry Goods.

This one was in the list of Ignatius quotes. It sounds like Petri, either speaking for the whole forum or maybe using the royal "we," but in fact it's Ignatius pretending to speak for the company where he works as a file clerk. Compare Ignatius' "we do not wish to be bothered" in this quote with Petri's "I have no interest" in quote #2, and also "tedious complaints" with "stupid comments":

Answer: Petri - #83087 - 07/26/07 04:59 AM

Easy question. We talked about this one a lot. Ignatius also insults whole populations as an attack on one person, but he's opposed to modern technology, so he probably wouldn't try to insult a country by calling it a 'technological backwater.'

Answer: Ignatius - in his reply to Myrna's letter.

Another easy question, from the list of Ignatius quotes. It uses the adjective "tawdry," which somehow doesn't sound as much like Petri. And why would he be talking about folk-singers?

But the quote is similar to Petri in one way - it's attacking one person by insulting an entire class of people, as Petri does in quotes # 5, 7, and 19, and many other instances that aren't on the test. It's a class-action insult.

Answer: Petri - #76316 - 03/13/07 02:17 PM

Very easy. It was on the first list of quotes, and then we talked about it again later and I said it sounded exactly like Ignatius. It's what inspired me to make up a list of Ignatius quotes.

Answer: Ignatius - to the bartender, after the incident with Patrolman Mancuso.

It was on the list of Ignatius quotes, and the word "conversation" suggests that it was spoken, not written. On the forum, Petri would probably have said "discussion."

Answer: Ignatius - in his letter to Abelman's Dry Goods.

It was in the list of Ignatius quotes, but otherwise I'm sure everyone would have assumed it was Petri. To both Petri and Ignatius, someone who disagrees is never simply wrong, but always has no mental faculties whatsoever.

Answer: Petri - #83557 - 08/04/07 05:02 AM

It sounds exactly like Ignatius, always talking about other people's ignorance, and always speaking as though everyone else agrees with his bizarre views on that. But in this case it's Petri. This one wasn't in the hand-outs.

Answer: Petri - #76310 - 03/12/07 01:53 PM

It was in the second list of Petri quotes, but it sounds like a lot of the things Ignatius said to Patrolman Mancuso. I shouldn't have left off the first part of the quote, "How wonderful!" That sounds like Ignatius too


Answer: Ignatius - to his mother, in the bar, after the incident with Patrolman Mancuso.


Answer: Ignatius - in his letter to Abelman's Dry Goods


Answer: Ignatius - in his reply to Myrna's letter.


Answer: Petri - #83087 - 07/26/07 04:59 AM

This was on the second list. It sounds just like Ignatius, but it's Petri. Never just ordinary mental deficiency with either of them, always extreme.

ray, you have certainly dated yourself with this reference!

Yah, I was afraid of that. Seems to happen a lot lately...

unfortunately, my observation makes me guilty by association

"ray, you have certainly dated yourself with this reference!"

......but could the link say it any better? Nevertheless, this thread has been an entertaining diversion from the summertime dog days. Literary, humorous, acerbic, and such a departure from the work-a-day world of CAD. Makes me think there should be an "Off-topic" category for VW users like many other forums have. Just a way to let off steam and such.

(It's not a case of 'too much time on my hands.' In fact, I really can't afford all the time I'm putting into this nonsense. It's just my obsessive-compulsive disorder, combined with the discovery that a character in my favorite novel is alive and blustering. Imagine meeting someone who talks and acts just like Don Quixote, complete with a suit of armor and a squire riding on a donkey. Wouldn't you drop everything and watch him, try to get him to joust with something?)

Answer: Petri - #74624 - 02/17/07 06:14 AM

This one wasn't in the lists. I had marked it as Ignatius until I saw that Simon thought it was Petri, which made me check all my answers. I found I'd gotten 5 of them wrong.


Answer: Petri - #83329 - 07/31/07 07:15 AM

It's in the third list of Petri quotes. Without that, it would be very hard to tell. Ignatius also thinks of himself as a very advanced being, 'a life form which we simply are unable to comprehend' (as the real Mr. Spock would say.)


Answer: Petri - #79312 - 05/12/07 05:35 AM

Both Ignatius and Petri see themselves as persecuted heroes whom the authorities want to silence because of the threat posed by their great intellectual power. So it could be either one. It wasn't on any of the lists, and there's absolutely nothing to indicate which character it came from. This was one of the 5 that I got wrong.

Answer: Ignatius - aloud, reacting to Myrna's letter.

Not on the hand-outs, but the emphatic "Oh, my God!" identifies it as spoken rather than written, so it couldn't have been in the forum. When writing, Ignatius uses the same sardonic interjections as Petri:
"Oh, dear."
"I see."
"How sad."
"Well."


Answer: Petri - from the current thread - #84062 - 08/15/07 08:13 AM


Answer: Petri - #67877 - 12/11/06 01:50 AM

Ignatius uses the phrase "profound ignorance" just as often as Petri does. There really aren't any clues as to which of them said this. The quote wasn't in any of the lists of quotes, so it was very difficult. I myself got this one wrong, and would never have known the correct answer without the search engine.

How fascinating! The ignoramuses & idiots of the Tech Board have found something even remotely useful to do! Perhaps their employers and clients can now sigh in relief: these people are not doing quite as much damage in their projects as they are obsessed in argumentum ad hominem and making themselves even more ridiculous than before. Quite a feat, the latter, if I may say so.

Whatever.

The original idea about PetriCAD is extremely valid. I have a pretty good view what it should be like. But, alas! PetriCAD would be totally useless to many VW users: it would require intelligence!

I don't know who this "Ignatius" is, but: please, demonstrate some mental faculties!

Should you have any, you are still missing the point: I am always right. If I'm not sure that I am, I won't write, I won't speak. When I do, I am right.

Simple, huh?

I see.




Oh dear. You're not.



Pete R: What do you think? Am I getting the hang of Petri's sharper, less sympathetic style of humor?
The Reasonable Man quote, by the way, is #73550 - 02/01/07 01:12 AM. Note how sharply I pounced on that error and told him he must be profoundly ignorant to have said a thing like that.

Ignatius J Reilly is a character in the novel A Confederacy of Dunces. I thought I had mentioned that earlier, but I guess it slipped my mind. We're reviewing the answers to a test, comparing and contrasting that character with the character 'Petri' in VectorWorks Forum. We're at question #24. Can you give us the correct answer?

Another cross-post from VectorScript objects and IFC
(Petri's post there and my reply to it really should be in this thread. All recent posts there refer back to a post that VectorGeek moved here, and they're all part of the discussion of the 'Petri' style of humor and of my and other users' attempts to learn it.)

I didn't mean me. I meant that VG is the alter ego of a forum user who's too polite to parody someone else's style and comments. I'm not polite. I've been parodying you at least since February. If I had thought of the name 'VectorGeek,' I would've just called you that, instead of 'old curmudgeon.'

I'm sorry I didn't clarify that earlier.

Petri replies with the devastatingly childish comeback - 'Whatever!'
What blindingly debilitating wit! How sharp! How 'adult'!
You sure know how to get back at your foes Petri!
Please, no more of this poison...Please don't use other cruel insults like 'I know you are 'cause you said you are',or, 'I won't be your best friend'.
Petri, you finally cracked.
But for all the psuedo-worship you get for your rapier wit, you have slammed us with limp lettuce.
You can do better than that.
Yours Hopefully,
PetriFried

[quote=Petri] these people are not doing quite as much damage in their projects as they are obsessed in 'argumentum ad hominem' and making themselves even more ridiculous than before. Quite a feat, the latter, if I may say so. [/quote]

'Argumentum ad hominem' suits Petri's 'the world misunderstands my genius', 'no one knows how painful it is to be as intelligent as me' attitude. I think with Petri it is more of a case of 'ad hominem tu quoque' hence my expectation of Petri's using 'I know you are because you said you are'.

And while we are awash in Latin, Petri, you wouldn't be the target of some of the vitriole you cop if you stayed within the boundaries of logic and stayed away from ad hominem circumsttantiae. You could use your wit for good and not for evil if you stopped making chauvinistic, nationalistic and jingoistic remarks attacking the circumstances of strangers.
I do find alot of your posts funny...but sadly I pity your state of mind that results in your self-elevation as you survey the pathetic masses from your tower made from non-elephant products.
Why don't you do something with your life, Petri.
Respond to the challenge of a new CAD program.
I don't think a man of your calibre would make PetriCad so that only intelligent people could use it.
How would you continue your shin-kicking abuse of the bewildered?
Yours Pathetically,
PetriFried

Bravo, PetriFried! A very perceptive analysis. I can see you're going to do well on the final exam.
I guess Petri is sleeping again, so I'll just post a few more of the answers to the test. Maybe he can give us the answer to the next question when he wakes up.

Answer: Ignatius - explaining to his mother why he didn't get the job.

Ignatius' sense of despair as a true genius in a world full of dunces is felt by Petri also: and #24 wasn't on the list of Ignatius quotes; so it would have been very difficult to get this one right. It's one of the 5 that I got wrong myself, even though I wrote the test. There may be just a slight clue in the word 'anachronism.' I don't think Petri has ever used that word in the forum, even though his writing style is, alas! anachronistic. But maybe he'll use it in the future. His vocabulary is increasing even as we speak. Note his use of the word 'obsessed' right after my mention of 'obsessive-compulsive disorder': Petri, like Ignatius, keeps a running commentary to himself or to some imaginary audience on the faults of people around him.



Answer: Petri - #83906 - 08/11/07 04:08 AM

Petri's fantasy of being Mr. Spock was referred to in several of the hand-outs, so noone should have gotten this question wrong. Star Trek first appeared on TV just after the time frame in which A Confederacy of Dunces was set. Ignatius would certainly have said all the other things about himself, but he probably wouldn't have described himself as "pointy-eared," since he always wore a green hunting cap with the flaps pulled down over his ears.



Answer: Ignatius - in his journal, about his boss.

This was in the list of Ignatius quotes. The first sentence could easily have been Petri: but the full quote doesn't sound like him because it talks about physical superiority as well, not just mental. All we know about Petri's physical power is that he's able to render someone unconscious by pinching a nerve on their neck.

The psychology behind Petri's tantrums is to make his comments as outlandish as possible, so that then he can say anything and the mob won't really know if he is serious or just carrying on like a head with its chicken cut off. My guess is he is thinking he can always fall back on his default excuse...'Ha Ha I was joking and you didn't get it, so the jokes on you.'

This may be backfiring on the Finn because he seems to be developing credibility issues within this forum and some are seeing him as an anachronism of Ignatian proportion.(Is this a word Jan?)

His comments dilute the good he does, or could do, and, sadly leave him a crumpled and disparate figure in a sea of VW hope and optimism.

We love you, Petri.

How's about a hug?

Anyway, I got fences to mend, tractors to lecture and ducks to recalibrate, so I must away, gentlemen. (Dramatic swosh as I turn on my heel)

Well, I guess I was wrong again. When the innovative concept of PetriCAD was brought to my attention in emails from several people, I started to think along wrong lines.

Some time ago, I wishlisted a MindReader plug-in (or did I even announce it - hope not!): one that would read the mind of the Architect and would do what he or she wants to do, then carry out the task, regardless of what the Architect actually does.

The inspiration provided so generously by many members of this Board made me realize that the MindReader is not enough. What is needed is a (Vulcan) MindMeld plug-in: one that would
(i) interpret the Architect's intentions and translate those into a Design; and
(ii) interpret the Client's wishful thinking and translate that into a Brief; and then
(iii) modify the brain patterns of the participants to comply with each other.

In this context, my research showed that in an Earthling Mind Meld, the superior intelligence shall dominate. We all know that a Client's mental capacity is normally equivalent with that of a sponge and at best a simple calculator. My problem is wheter the mental capacity and IQ of an average VW user exceed those of the computer used in the process. Surely we do not want the computer to dominate?

However, I have just understood that this is not what PetriCAD is supposed to do, if it is to be truly PetriCAD: last night I had the strangest dream I'd ever dreamed before.

PetriCAD uses MindMeld technology and accepts input from the Client and the Architect. Then it interprets the input so that the programme is within the means of the Client and that the design principles & intention comply with Vitruvian principles and the scriptures of the Modern Movement.

Even the interactive component prevents the Architect from creating undesirable spaces and things like that. Nevertheless, the Architect is relatively free to do his or her usual irrational, irrelevant and pompous stuff during a session. When the design is saved, the Miesian Less Is More Engine optimizes the design, while the Le Corbusier Machine For Doing Architecture states the questions (properly in our epoch), thereby inevitably finding the solution. Finally the Loosian Crime Preventer removes all superfluous & pretentious elements, such as ornaments.

When the file is opened again, the Architect and the Client shall find that everything is exactly as they had been wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, planning and dreaming each night. The McMansion became a real home for generations to come (Big Daddy optional). The hardware warehouse in an industrual area a friendly, local ironmonger's shop. The hypermarket a mom'n'pop corner store. The residential subdivision a close-knit community with all essential services and caring neighbours. They see friends shaking hands, saying "How do you do?" and they join their hands and bow their heads and pray grateful prayers.

(Some typos fixed. Content intact.)

It is now! (Jesuits use it, but I think you're the first in this sense. Context will indicate the different meaning, as in "more of your Ignatian bluster," or "you Ignatian gas-bag.") Good work on your very insightful essay.

Petri, your essay was very... interesting. And different! What about the test? Can you give us the correct answer to question #27? And tell us how you arrived at that answer.

It's aliiiiiivvveeee!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Answer: Petri - #74133 - 02/09/07 10:30 AM

This quote is the centerpiece of Petri's oeuvre. It's his manifesto -- a concise yet all-revealing verbal portrait of his struggle and his passion. It captures, in a single flawless paragraph, everything he was trying to tell us in all his other posts.

He came close to the same level of self-revelation yesterday with: But although it is simpler than #27, it only shows us Petri triumphant. It doesn't immerse us in his kampf -- his daily suffering through long years of being forced to breathe the same fetid air as the inferior races, and the simultaneous loathing and pity he feels for them.

As a contrast, let's look at an example of Ignatius writing about his greatness and the problems it causes for people who behold it:

Whoever's using Petri's log in without him knowing- get off and let Petri come back.

Simon, that really is Petri. It's 'nice-Petri' -- his new, emerging, kinder/gentler personality. It first appeared on Aug 11, when he apologized for an insulting post. Remember that? You were skeptical, but I said we should encourage it, which is what we've done with this thread -- giving him lots of attention, as a reward, to nurture that new side of him. And it's working! It was touch-and-go for a while, but now he's babbling like a happy drunk. Isn't that better than old-Petri with his vitriol and bravado?

Here are the last of the test answers:

Answer: Ignatius - in his journal, about the rally he's planning.



Answer: Ignatius - in his journal, about the incident with Patrolman Mancuso.



Answer: Petri - #74625 - 02/17/07 08:19 AM

This wasn't on the hand-outs, but forum regulars know that Christiaan is often the target of Petri's tantrums, and he says they're a sign that Petri needs cuddling. Also, Ignatius would know that Seraph is a higher rank than Archangel, and that Seraphim is the plural of Seraph.

That fits. You have to remember, Petri is a secular moslim, and therefor hardly a novice in the area of angels.

DG

Oh, my God! I can't believe the utter filth that I am reading! I do not in any way resemble that specimen of verbal excrescence they call Petri. No doubt the name derives from his place of origin. He has the intelligence and charm of something grown in a petri dish. He is an abomination, not worthy of scraping off the sole of my shoe!

I must admit, his literary style shows promise, particularly when hurling invectives at the other mongoloids in that forum. If only his vocabulary can be enlarged and steered away from the drivel commonly found in science fiction scribblings. But he has no sense of order. No geometry, no theology. He most certainly has not read Boethius. That fact is obvious in his every inane utterance.

Oh, Fortuna, what strange new ungodly terrors has your wheel cast me down among? How can these sub-humans compare my worldview, framed in the writings of the classical philosophers, with that moron, that insignificant speck of dust, that computer person! He probably has the same distorted, grotesque features as all such robotic creatures, from sitting for endless hours staring at their own intellectual reflection in a television screen. They obviously hope to enhance their image of themselves by trying to insinuate that one of their ilk is somehow comparable to me. As if I would ever have time to waste operating one of those absurd devices!

I refuse to listen to this tripe any longer! My valve is on the verge of total collapse. I shall henceforth place all these loathsome creatures on my Ignore list, starting with that pompous self-declared perverter of the minds of the young, Jan15. That such a non-entity could dare to assume the role of teacher is yet another sign of this age of misguided technological nightmare.

Cease and desist, you jackals! Return to the whip and dark room that is your rightful estate, or you shall feel the sting of my verbal wrath!

ahh piss off.

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Ahh, you would say that, wouldn't you! At last there is someone even remotely capable of challenging my authority on all matters relevant to anything, on the basis of deep philosophical understanding of Life, the Universe and Everything.

No, let's hear more from our rookie VW expert Ignatius J Reilly! Surely he has the right to make himself (and the person who poses as him) even more ridiculous. If ever possible.

Except for the utter lack of social intelligence. I thought it was little at first, but that part of his brain is so completely numb he doesn't even realize he is carrying this dead weight around.

Unfortunately these people exist in real life, too. So full of their own qualities there is little room for opinions from others. As long as the others hold on to a different opinion the others must be morons and as soon as the person in question realizes is heading for a defeat, he grunts a last insults and keeps his mouth shut for a small period of time, until his ego, brushed up and polished in the mean time, bursts out again.

It is not that these people are stupid, the problem is that their mind set ("Denkraam" or "Window of thought") is so small and limited (not rarely extremely fine tuned on a limited number of subjects, like SF and hard- and software) that they even can't fathom the notion of the whole world of subjects, ideas and thoughts, that might be lying just outside their mental reach.

These people often compare themselves with people like Leonardo Da Vinci, a broadly interested man, knowing almost everything there was to know for a person in those days. But he was modest and realized all too well that he couldn't even imagine the amount of things he didn't know yet.

No Ignatius, you are not an "Uomo Unversale" you simply have a very narrow "Denkraam", and the absence of social capabilities is the first proof of that.

That is why I find little respect for, or interest in, the large number of Ignatius like man (usually male) we see around us, bloating their way through life, leaving a trail of bewildered and hurt, more sensitive and more thoughtful people behind.

Your Dutch Genius,
Gerard

Thank you for this record for the true meaning of Dutch Genius. Dutch courage, Dutch treat, Dutch intelligence.

Without any proof, our Dutch Genius states that Leonardo da Vinci was humble. OK - that may be so, but I'd still like to see some evidence. For all these years I have always considered the Renessaince geniuses to have been quite forceful personalities. While Orson Welles is not exactly an eye witness, I do believe that his contribution to the script of The Third Man has validity:

"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed — they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

But what do I know! My mind can only handle SF and hard- and software and can't fathom the notion of the whole world of subjects, ideas and thoughts.

Whatever. Our socially intelligent and ever so thoughtful & sensitive Dutchman goes around calling people with better mathematical skills "deluded". Well, that must be Dutch Social Intelligence. Fortunately I'm not cursed with that.

Ah you recognized it!

Gerard

An excellent point. The truly gifted man is in awe of his gift, and of the giver. The blowhard has no choice but to pump himself up, since his work condemns him.

Petri, still in his drunken stupor, confused Leonardo with the Borgias.

Love at first sight.
The face in the mirror.

Gerard,
   Your replies are poignant, especially the "Pirates..." reference, but I fear your words fall distantly short of affecting their intended target. However, they are enjoyed by all others.

   Petri's ego has centered itself in a perfectly mirrored sphere, a place where he sees only himself while all others are conveniently reflected away - a white hole, analogous to the rectum of a cosmic black hole - a singularity where excrement emanates but none can possibly enter. The problem isn't that it is forbidden to enter, but rather that it's completely full of itself. It has been asked, "If a Petrisphere emits crap, would that event not make room to receive external input?" The answer is, "No, due to the instantaneous creation of fecal matter from the entity within the Petrisphere." This insures that the Law of Conservation of Elliptical Thinking is never violated. Add to that, the radius of the perfectly reflective Petrisphere Event-Horizon is constantly maintained, which expands to precisely contain all sepsis and will do so as long as there is a positive flow of self absorbing admiration within. The net effect is a total repulsion of the universe around it.

   At one time it was theorized that the radius of a Petrisphere is monotonically increasing, that is, it is either static or growing but never shrinking, perfectly entrapping the ego within; but that theory has recently been challenged by some very abstruse individuals who hypothesize that under the rarest of conditions, the radius of a Petrisphere may indeed appear to shrink, and possibly disappear. It would be necessary for an ego trapped within a Petrisphere to self-consume, which would entail the total ingestion of the surrounding cesspool contained within the Petrisphere, including the ego itself. Since no input from outside a Petrisphere can affect the contents within, the idea of self consumption must originate from within and it is in realizing this extremely rare sequences of events that the authors of the Shrinking Petrisphere Hypothesis acknowledge the odds of this happening within the expected lifetime of the known universe are essentially zero.

   It is because of my understanding of Petrisphere mechanics that I have refrained from hurling anything at it. However I do believe many have taken pleasure in witnessing how anything and everything is perfectly deflected by the Petrisphere at its event-horizon. I have also noted that quite a few have continued their assault of the Petrisphere in such a way that it appears to give them pleasure. I fear that if this cycle of pleasure seeking stimulus is not abated, we may see a new form of addiction evolve, Petrisphere Poking.

   A Petrisphere Poker should be easily identified by his or her inability to look away from a Petrisphere whenever a piece of flotsam is emitted. Like moths to a flame, a Petrisphere Poker will habitually return and respond to such emanations, no matter how foul they be. I can only imagine a Petrisphere Poker receives great pleasure in seeing how his or her responses are reflected and/or distorted. Though I don't currently advocate discouraging anyone from staring into a Petrisphere, I think I may recommend at some not-too-future date that action be taken to avoid the inevitable negative consequences that will undoubtedly plague anyone who entertains themselves by persistent Petrisphere Poking. Until such time...

Ain't life grand?
Raymond

Raymond

Congratulations on a truly astonishing dissertation, and thankyou for sharing your deep understanding of Petronics.
This would seem to be the final word. I am speechless.

Charles

Somehow, I don't think so.... LOL

Brilliant, Raymond! I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. It's definitely the last word in the sense that noone can top it, though the birthday boy is sure to nip at its ankles.

And it raises a serious issue for the Petrisphere-Poking community. Trying to put your third paragraph into layman's terms, we have to face the fact that no matter how much attention we give him, it's never going to be enough. It's like playing with a child -- the child never thinks it's time to quit and go to bed. But on the other hand, if we don't give him at least a little attention every day, he'll seek it in the only way he knows, by misbehaving. God knows his serious comments aren't worth responding to, but people do react to his insults, turning the discussion into a brawl. This humor thread provides a pressure relief valve for all that built-up hot air, but we can't just run it for a little while and then stop. It has to be maintained, or else he'll start acting up in other threads. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

However, if all forum users were properly trained in the physics of Petrispheres, then perhaps noone would try to throw anything into the Petrisphere, and consequently its emissions wouldn't disrupt a discussion. Noone would be sucked into that vortex of anger and petty insults. The most promising solution to the emerging Petrisphere-Poking craze, therefore, is to make your post a permanent part of the read-only Announcements list, and to require all new users to study it. Katie?

For once in my life, I'm not really sure what to say ...

And is there some way that, whenever Petri makes a post, the forum server could automatically attach a disclaimer to it? Something like this:

Excellent idea jan15. I would propose that we also include this international symbol that I have sketched up. That way, we can ensure compliance world-wide.

{image removed}

VG.

I am officially closing and locking this dicussion.

This message board is for technical and workflow-based questions while using VectorWorks.

If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me directly:
katie@nemetschek.net.

Thank you for your cooperation.